trust your instincts

I recently had a situation that came up in my travels that was very similar to my own situation in life, that it actually got me thinking way too much. On my stop over in Calgary, I was lucky enough to hang out with a friend I had met almost six years ago on my flight to Australia. He was kind enough to take me around for a day and crash at his and his girlfriend’s place for a night. The only problem with the whole scenario was that his girlfriend was uncomfortable with having a random girl she has never met, or heard of, come to visit. Rightfully so, though I felt that as soon as she met me she would realize it was no big deal. I was just stopping through for a day, no intentions of anything more than catching up with a friend.

But I can understand where she was coming from, having been in a similar situation not too long before this. My now ex-boyfriend put me in a similar but worse situation. Here I was, dating my boyfriend for 2-4 years, depending how you count it, and he was having a girl come to visit from Australia. He timed his moving out of my place so perfectly, that he had his own place downtown for her to come stay at. Not to mention she had been a constant worry of mine, as he knew, because they had a history. And because I am pretty good at telling when someone is lying to me. But no they were ‘just friends’. And being a traveler as well, I know what it’s like to meet people while traveling who you keep in touch with, one way or another, and I would like to think I would give a couch to sleep on to any of my traveling friends if they were in town.

But I am naive. Because I always forget that just because I am one way, doesn’t mean everyone is the same. And so she came to visit; I met her. Hell, I even liked her. I enjoyed the conversation over the few days she was staying for the first visit, as she was coming back for a longer stay soon. After this meeting, I felt relieved, my lack of trust seemed silly all of the sudden. This girl seemed harmless. But alas, I was broken up with merely a few days after this visit, leaving me out of the picture for her next visit in a few weeks. It’s funny how we can be worried about something for so long, and just when we are finally put at ease, the rug gets ripped out from underneath us.

We never want to believe our partners are capable of doing these things, but we can’t help but worry. Which is why I understood where my friend’s girlfriend was coming from. It’s a hard situation to be put in; you want to be the cool, understanding girlfriend who can just go with the flow, but you worry. And you get jealous. And it’s not your fault.

I wanted so much to tell my friend’s girlfriend my own story, tell her how I was in the same situation, but my boyfriend actually left me to be with the girl who came to visit. I figured that maybe telling her that story she would sympathize with me, but then I thought some more about it. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea and not be able to trust the next traveling girl coming to visit. Because even in my situation, I would do it all the exact same. I would try to be accommodating. I would be the bigger person and deal with my issues. I would expect the same from any partner of mine. Because to be honest, as a traveler, that’s what I would hope others would show me as well.

It’s a shame the way things turned out. I can’t say it hasn’t fucked up my psyche a little bit. Who likes to be introduced to their replacement before being broken up with? It’s a rather odd situation to be in. It messes with your head a bit, makes you wonder if you really know anything anymore. You want so much to believe that other people are worth trusting, but when it all comes down to it, you should always trust your own instincts first. The only person who you can ever truly trust is yourself.

But in the end, I would tell my friend’s girlfriend not to let those feelings of uncertainty, or jealousy, or lack of trust, get in the way of being open to situations like this. I may be naive, I may be thought of as a fool. Put in a similar situation, I would do the same as I did before. I would find fun things for that person to do. I would buy an air mattress for them to sleep on. I would go out of my way to be accommodating. I would do this because that is who I am. I want to believe that no one would put you through that situation to hurt you. No one would come for a visit to take your boyfriend away from you. That kind of shit happens only in the movies, no?

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