Why do you write? Why do I write? Why do writers write? Some writers right for entertainment purposes. Some write for informative purposes. Some write to present findings in studies. Some write about others. Some write about themselves. Some write fiction. Some write non-fiction. There are many reasons why writers write. And I by no means consider myself a writer, but I have my own reasons too.
When I started this blog, I wanted it to be about my life, my experiences, my travels. I started writing it as a means to write about what I go through in my adventures. It ended up taking a more personal turn than I had originally planned. And I will never truly apologize for that. It is my writing, and my blog, and I do not believe we should ever be sorry for what we write. We should never feel like censoring what we chose to write about. But I also would never want to hurt or defame anyone. That would never be my intentions.
I am going through a very emotional period in my life. For some reason, writing in this blog has been helping me through it. It has been therapeutic and cathartic to me. It is helping me make sense of the pain inside me that my head and heart just don’t seem to be able to sort out for themselves. I still hurt on a daily basis. Whether I show it or not, through my every day appearance, writing, pictures or whatever else makes up my life, I am in constant emotional pain. I try to make sense of it by writing about it. And it may not be the socially acceptable way of dealing with it. It may not be how you, or others you know, deal with it. But it is how I have chosen to deal with it, because it helps me. I have never been one to do things the way I am told is better or right. I will always march to the beat of my own drum, because I truly do not care what you think of me as a result of the way I chose to do things.
When I write about my ex, and what I am going through, I don’t do this for people to feel sorry for me. To sympathize with me. I don’t do this for people to hate him. I don’t hate him, so why should anyone else? He is a wonderful person, if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be trying to maintain some form of friendship with him at this point. It wouldn’t be so hard for me right now if he was a complete asshole and a horrible person. The reason I write about the experience I am going through with him, is merely a means to understanding why I am here. Why I moved to the other side of the world to get away from it all. Why it makes me anxious to go home. Why I can’t seem to cut him out of my life, when every one I know tells me it would be easier or better that way. I would never want my writing to be taken as cheap shots at him. Or ways to make others dislike him. I write my experiences, my feelings and my thoughts. If you read it, you will notice a theme. A theme of love. Regardless of what has happened between us, I still love the guy. And maybe some think I should be over that by now, and maybe some might think that I am pathetic. And maybe I am. But this is just my story. I am not perfect. I never claimed to be. I have always been nothing but honest and open.
I am an emotional person. I always have been. As I sit here and write this, the tears pour down my face because I have just never been able to hold them back when they form in my eyes. This has been a very hard year for me. I have never felt so vulnerable, alone and insecure in my life. And I am trying to find a way back to the independent, strong person I was. I know she is in there somewhere. She is just hurting and trying to make sense of how she got so lost.
So to everyone out there writing, I say write on. Write what you feel. Write what you know. Write for whatever reasons you have to write. Whether it’s for an audience, or yourself, or both. Others will judge you for everything you do in life, so write on if you have something you care to write about. And never apologize for your writing. My sister told me that. And she’s right. Not everyone will like it. Not everyone will hate it. But if writing serves the purpose you intend, write on.